Saturday, 9 January 2016

The haunted AC and my theories

I think the AC vent above my workstation is haunted.

I just felt a cool draught of air hit me as I wrote this (BRRRR……)

STOP ROLLING YOUR EYES!!!! I am not joking and YES I AM talking about the Air Conditioner vent that’s right above me. 

This is not another one of my episodes.

Please hear me out (Read me out???) before you make a rash judgment on the state of my mental health.
I hope I have your complete attention.

It had just been 2 days since I had joined work and I was busy doing my thing. At about 12:30 pm I felt a blast of cool air. I was surprised at the change in the temperature but thought nothing of it.   Centralized AC –nothing I could do about it. That reminds me-I once read an article which said that the temperatures in offices are deliberately made low so that the productivity of the woman co-worker is reduced (Don’t ask me what being cold and productivity have anything to do with each other: P)

After putting it off for too long, I started carrying a shawl to office (I get all dolled up to go to office and turn into Thakur once it becomes too cold for me). A senior colleague saw me wrapped up in my shawl one day, and asked me if I was cold. 

I bobbed my head up and down in reply (Sarcastic quips are not conducive to a healthy work environment so I spend my days at work making minimum conversation and make up for it by sleep-talking). The senior colleague in question then directed the same question to my neighbor, who surprisingly, has never complained of the cold. She replied in the negative. I turned to my other neighbor and realized I’d never seen him bringing a sweater.

That is when I first came up with the possibility that I probably was the only person in the entire section who was feeling cold. I looked up at the culprit (the AC vent obviously) and wondered if I was going mental. After a thorough cost-benefit analysis, (Cost-Coming across as a complete nut and Benefit-Convincing myself of my non-nuttiness) I conducted a reconnaissance mission by walking around the office to check the temperature conditions in the various parts of the office. And voila!!! My workstation was the only place that felt like the caress of Death’s icy hands (I’ve always wanted to use that in my writings :P)

Have you seen the cartoons where this one character has a raining cloud above his head and it’s sunny everywhere else? Or have you seen the second movie in the Thor series where there’s a huge cloud that rains over Jane’s (Natalie Portman) head just before she meets Thor (Chris Hemsworth)?? My case is exactly the same, minus all the water and the hunky Norse God.

I couldn’t come up with a normal reason for this happening. So the only remaining option was the super-normal. And hence I believe that the AC vent above me is haunted.

I have theories about the identity of the ghost-many of which involve my previous birth as a warrior princess (I’ll explain another time) - Like the AC Vent Ghost being a rejected suitor, (Oh yeah I had tons of them in my previous life XD) or a Mughal General I had ruthlessly dismembered on the battlefield (Blood and limbs needed to be spilled to make a point).

All this theory searching led to an epiphany.
I have always been technologically jinxed.
It’s a chronic thing-It’s occurred in phases-

1.       The Computer Breakdown Phase-Any computer I touched, would inexplicably stop working. It was ANNOYING. In fact it was during an attempt to fix the home computer (Basic stuff-checking the wire connections), that I had my first tryst with Destiny…oops Electricity.

2.       The Butterfingers phone Phase-I had a Nokia Lumia that always managed to slip from my hands and fall down. There were only so many cracked screens I could fix before ultimately replacing her. Then again, being a Windows phone probably induced suicidal tendencies in the poor thing.

3.       The Wi-Fi Jammer phase-The title is self-explanatory. I was a Wi-Fi jammer. Period.

In addition to this, there have been numerous incidents like the Self-starting TV, the dancing cursor;      
 I could go on and on.

The point being, if I started associating each of these episodes with an earlier life vendetta, then I’ll have lived more lives than a cat by the end of it.

This is why I avoid playing around with technology. Give me a slower-than-a- tortoise Windows 7 Laptop with scratches on the screen  and I’ll be happy, as long as it doesn’t randomly switch on and off throwing up blank screens and irritating noises*.

THE END.


*There go my chances at guilt-tripping my Dad into buying me a Kindle.