Mix a guy and a girl madly in love with each other,
over-enthusiastic relatives who can’t wait to subject the happy couple to the
only existing form of bondage in the society, the couple eventually giving in
to social pressure and what do you get???? THE BIG BANG INDIAN WEDDING.
A wise man once told me (The standard procedure used when a
writer doesn't seem to remember his/her source…: D) that the marriage industry
is the only recession-free industry in the world. I mean think about it, a few
years ago when the world was hit by a catastrophe (read recession), thousands
of people were losing jobs due to downsizing, the stock market crashed, people
were succumbing to hopelessness and killing themselves, even then there were
weddings taking place all over the world.
The news of a wedding in the family brings lots of
excitement. Everybody has an opinion about everything ranging from the bride
and groom to where the wedding should take place, where the trousseau should be
purchased from and everything under the sun. Not to mention the fact that
people who plan to attend the wedding have to go through the tedious (not to
mention wallet emptying) exercise of shopping for themselves- God forbid you
wear something that you wore for some wedding years ago again.
Another industry that
benefits from the announcement of a wedding in the family is the telephone
service provider industry. I don’t know about you guys but I have first-hand
experience of this fact (My mom…who else???).I mean it’s like a complete
complicated network of information sources. If you want to know about the
wedding purchases, call A, if you want to get the gossip surrounding the
wedding, call B, and there is always a party who has complete knowledge about
everything that is happening-sort of like the central hub of the intricate web
of gossip and……..gossip.
The days leading up to the wedding are full of fun, at least
for the cousins of the bride and groom. I mean you get to see a lot of pre
wedding ceremonies and parties (a myriad of multicultural ceremonies, in my
brother’s case –Mallu +Tam –Brahms + Punjabi +Oriya; talk about national
integration) You get ample opportunities to dress up and look pretty (or
handsome in the case of the male species).Complete and free license to loot the
bride/groom depending on a variety of factors (the cunning cousin finds a way
to skilfully extract from both the parties: D).
But one thing I’m ashamed to admit is the inability of us
sisters to protect and preserve our bhaiya’s
most valuable possession. We lost his jootis
to our treacherous and scheming opponents-bhabhi’s
cousins. Who am I kidding, we just lost our sole source of income (We were
charging him for the jooti-guarding….
3 :) )
What I absolutely detest about weddings is relatives coming
up to me when I’m with my parents(who suddenly start blinking furiously like
their sole purpose in life is to dislodge the grain of dust that’s stuck in
their eyes ) and hinting at it being my turn very soon(For God’s sake I am only
19….give up already..).When I make it clear that I don’t intend to tie the knot
(more like tighten the noose) in the next say eight years they go into
epileptic fits (like their reason to live is my impending foray into the dodgy
world of matrimony).
It’s not like I have a problem with the institution of
marriage; I have seen enough couples to know that they can stay happy and very
much in love with each other even after years of marriage .I think it’s just
that I can’t grasp the concept of people wanting to spend the rest of their
lives together by willingly subjecting themselves to the social convention of
signing a scrap of paper and going through the mental torture of posing for
photographs or meeting people they've never met for hours together.
I know that one day even I am going to have to succumb to
the society’s convention and going to have to get hitched (I may be rebellious
but I’m not delusional).But the only way I am going to get married in the next
five years is if Ranbir Kapoor wakes up one fine day and realises he wants to
marry me (I can safely say that the world will end before that happens:’D).
Reminds me, I have to devise a technique to ward off
embarrassing questions the next time I go to a wedding so that I don’t end up
strangling myself to death with a snatched garland from the bride or groom….
Till then, adieu folks…..
Sruti……
